"GANGS"
- by Shweta Narayana
Engineering was a breeze. I had my own little "gang" of
friends. We would bunk classes liberally and gossip and generally never feel
lonely as such. But that could also perhaps be attributed to the fact that we
were day-scholars. Home was a bus-ride away. Family was around to support you,
motivate you and basically cheer you up. Ah family - if anyone would say that I
would miss home while staying at IIM K, I would have split my sides laughing. In
fact, before leaving home I had announced that I wouldn't be back till after two
years.
But now I miss home like hell. I miss my gang. I wish I had
my own gang again here. People-skills, communication skills - these terms float
around literally everyday. I realize I don't have these skills.
Hmmm... Everyone has an ego. So I approach people initially
envisioning the "gang" out on holidays in and around exotic Kerala. So I
approach, say 20 people. And then, "My job is done. Let someone talk to me."
But oh dear, I'm not a pretty lass. The guys do not approach.
Someone suggested. "You are reserved. You have an intimidating look. You look
irritated and disgusted... you are shy... O, just wait... No one becomes friends
in a day... Just be yourself." Alright. Phase one is I shall bide my time.
Phase two is indignation. And phase three is despair. I have
no friends. Sob. Sob.
So life is bad. I hate going to classes because I have to sit
alone. I hate weekends and holidays because I have no one to talk to and nothing
to do. I hate talking to people because they give me the vibes as if they would
rather be elsewhere than waste their precious time talking to me. I hate group
work because the "gangs" are already formed and I have to associate with the
last gang with a member missing who are not happy either with this either. I
fumble sometimes and that results in hate-mail. I have decided to change to
majoring in operations instead of marketing because I have no HR skills.
Yes, I see the smirk on your face. What a loser. What a
whiner. Well, you say, "it's your ego you pig-headed, swollen-headed nut... you
are hypersensitive... don't jump to conclusions... you are a stubborn prick...
you have achieved nil and why the hell should anyone associate with a
non-value-addition bozo?"
Yes, it is my fault. Please crucify me. I'd rather die than
live like this anyway. In the eternal words of Beck Hansen "I'm a loser baby, so
why don't you kill me?"
I heard someone say, "Everyone here has attitude problems...
everyone is friendless... everyone is lonely" Well, helps to think that misery
has company but then how much water does that hold. Am I the only misfit? I want
to be a people person. I want to be popular. I want friends too. Will I ever?
What is really wrong with me? How do I start? Where do I start?
The realization is driven home harder every minute of every
day that I spend alone. The ego is wasting away everyday and so is self esteem.
O boo-hoo. Enough of the whining, back to the grind. Springs
only jump higher the more they are pressed down.
Hello!!! Can I join your gang???
